Intoxicated Guest

So when you work in a place that serves alcohol you expect for some to get out of hand - it isn't something that happens often because it is not a bar it is a restaraunt.

I had a guest very intoxicated - he almost fell on top of a host to start out. Immediately you think they are over the limit - but on we go. Then he goes to the bar & harrasses them for a drink RIGHT NOW. Well strike two!

But when he is cut off & acts like it is no big deal you think ' whew dodged that one' - until -

You look over & he has what??? Another beer??? Where did it come from???

At this point who knows & who cares!!

I believe when I tried to take it from him I was called a Whipper Shitter??? New to me but gave me a little chuckle inside! His wife or girlfriend - whatever their relationship - seemed sober to begin with - but when I was imformed how sad this was because he wasn't drunk he had OsteoParosis (SP?) I then realized she too had drank her limit! Oh well then there was the fact that he was in the war & he took care of his altemizers mother - again why this had anything to do with he being drunk right then was beyond me - but ok he sounds like a nice man - but you are now cut off too!

Thank you have a nice night!

Thinking back -

So thinking back & just getting started today - I have to tell a story from before -

I no longer work at this particular place but this is an unforgetable guest.


So we had no hostess -

And it was my turn -

Being that I am fair & mature enough to go with it I did - even though the said guest walked in with mirrorred cop glasses from the 80's on & shorts that he most certainly bought from a Richard Simmons line on.

Dear God -

Please let men know that their JEWELS are most likely to hang out of Richard Simmons shorts & this is NOT an option!!!!!!!!!

Thanks - The Server


So anyway - I take him to my section - how come just for once I couldn 't be that server that picks & chooses my tables & screws someone else?????


I sit him at his table - this day - table 51.

I greet him just as though I hadn't noticed the possibility of his nutsack hanging out of his super short shorts! And I believe he ordered an ice tea! And a coke for his friend that was coming!

Well his 'friend' finally shows up - I don't know about you but I do get dressed for the DAY when I go eat at a sit down restaraunt - not this man. I am not sure about this - but I think his hair had been brushed the week before - & his slippers & PJ bottoms were not really a thing I would expect in this said restaraunt - of course he is sitting with cop glasses/Richard Simmons shorts!

So - I think PJ bottoms ordered a catfish sandwich - BUT Richard Simmons shorts ordered a hamburger - with VERY finely chopped lettuce - well BECAUSE he was lactose intolerant - oh & the RED onions needed to be chopped as well - because he was lactose intolerant! AND of course this was something I NEEDED to know - not that he just liked it that way while his jewels hung out of his shorts - but because he was going to CRAP himself on the way home if it wasn't JUST RIGHT!!!!

So - of course - I chopped the greens & the reds - OH MY was he PLEASED - SO much so that while I was at ANOTHER table he FLAGGED me over with a TEN dollar bill - not that I was trying to take care of another guest or anything!!!!!! Sure I will take that $10 on a like a $30 tab - BUT really?!

Dear Sir -

Please pack away the jewels & have respect for others!!!!!

Thank you -

The Server

The Introduction -

I never grew up dreaming of being a 36 year old waitress/server. But here I am - 36 & waiting tables. I waited tables in my very early 20's - still young enough not to really care. Now it isn't about making money to buy beer for tonight or this weekend like a lot of my co-workers - it is about helping take care of my family. I am a mother of 5 children - my husband is a new construction plumber - & me a waitress.

Although I sometimes hate admitting that - it is that ego thing that gets in the way at times - I actually love my job.

1) It keeps me young & somewhat in shape
2) I may be 36 but I am 22 at heart
3) I love people
4) I can be who I want to be & that can change with every table as I see fit!

Sure the hours can sometimes really suck - as I said I have 5 kids. They are in school during the day - but the best money is made in the evening hours & on the weekends while they are home. And not every table is a 'joy' to be involved with - whether it be my table or my neighboring sections table - there are just some tables you don't want to be involved in. While others are very enjoyable - or without meaning to very humorous.

Being a server is not for everyone. There is NO WAY my husband could wait on a table - not one - he would be fired before he had their drinks on the table. But for some it is just something they do well. I happen to be that person. I can BS my way through ANY conversation - I am sure there are times I think I sound like I know what I am talking about but my table is really laughing at me - but I am ok with that. I try to make every person at every table I walk up to smile - sometimes this is IMPOSSIBLE!

I have many hobbies - sewing, painting, woodworking, hunting, fishing - etc. This makes for a lot of 'ways in' with my tables - & of course the 5 kid thing. I look a little younger than my age I guess - because I often get - NO WAY are you old enough to have 5 kids - AND - you look great for having 5 kids - Well you should know I use to weigh over 200 lbs - I lost the weight & waiting tables actually helps me keep it off.

So I am good at rambling - as I have started to do here - this blog is going to be stories about my experiences as a server. The good, the bad, THE FUNNY & the ugly. I hope that fellow servers can learn from me - as well as get satisfaction in knowing they are not the only ones dealing with such chaos - AND I hope that OUR GUEST can learn a little bit about our jobs so they understand the importance of cash tips vs verbal tips!

And so it goes -